Chapter Text Star Butterfly will always say she has no regrets, but she is a liar and has all her regrets have stemmed from lies and a boy, the 'safe kid' of Echo Creek, her one and only best friend Marco they grow old but not together, and they say time heals a broken heart but time is a liar just like Star Butterfly and it never does heal. Chapter Text Star Butterfly is 14 when the first lie spills from her lips like blood, it's the aftermath of the battle with Toffee and she is a broken butterfly held in arms. She had felt his soft, warm skin glide on her cheeks without opening her eyes and knowing it was him, everyone was as slick as ice and skin but he was a wildfire at the touch. She had heard mumbles from Marco and her mother talking, but she finally hears something when he holds her tight to his chest, one hand on her cheek and the other on her waist as he whispers the question, "Are you ok?" And oh god does it sting when she weakly grins and says "yes" because no she's defeated a immortal monster at 14 and she feels terrible, feels like shit actually rather than proud, but Marco nods his head yes and doesn't even question it. And it hurts more than the whole defeat because mother of Mewni everyone here knows she's terrible but he nods along with her and she cries so, so much. He holds her so tight and she cries, because there are no tears of happiness of her enemy's defeat falling only the tears of a broken 14 year old because her best friend doesn't question her state of being anymore after that when they both know she's terrible, and somehow she feels more worse and weak than before. Chapter Text The second lie she ever tells is the following weeks after the whole battle, her bruises have healed but the scars still linger on her skin. They had been on the newly renovated castle balcony, Marco's hands perfectly intertwined in hers, and he was holding onto her as if she were paper thin and would fly away at any moment, as if he needed her touch just to know that she was real, and to be honest she didn't know if she was anymore. Her usual attire had been switched out for a huge, royal blue gown and she had felt so stuffy and uncomfortable in it and with her parent's watching eyes close by. "You'll promise you'll be back right? You'll come back to me after all your training's done and you promise you'll call every night right?" The words fumbled out of his lips so quick and he had squeezed her hand so tight she didn't know if that unsettled her or relieved her."Of course Marco! I'll be back as soon as you know it!"She had said cheerfully, wavy, blonde hair bouncing on shoulders and a bobbing head nodding along to the statement. She's trying her best to not cry when he squeezes her hands one again, holding her hands up to their chests and in another time she would've flushed pink but he'll never be hers and this isn't the time for stuttering teens and sad eyes. "This isn't the end Marco." She tries to promise with a smile, but she sounds so broken when she says it and it hurts to know that he'll just pretend to believe her. Of course he does trust that smile and he hugs her tight, awkward arms holding each other tight as if someone will be gone with a touch, and they release when they hear scoffs from her parents. He holds her hand and gives it a lingering squeeze, cuts through the air with gray scissors and he smiles at her with his brown eyes and Star is so hurt with her hands behind her back and both their smiling lips."Missing you already."He laughs bitterly, and she watches with glittering eyes and waves him off wistfully with tears running down her cheeks when he doesn't even turn back to her for a response when he dives in. "Goodbye, Marco." She whispers, but he's already off in another dimension, and she's sobbing already because she lied, her hands were behind her back for a reason, to hide those evil, crossed fingers. Chapter Text The third lie she ever tells is when she's 15, she's grown a foot taller and her hair is chopped to her ears, but she doesn't feel any different from a year ago. The only difference is that she feels hollow in this home, if she could even call her castle, this kingdom, her home. It was filled again with princess duties to prepare her to be a wonderful queen, her electric blue eyes have turned slightly duller here and it terrifies her, that she's becoming the hollowness of the 14 year old her that killed a monster that terrorized her people and her family, but why does she still feel like the one killed? There is this emptiness that she feels again from before meeting Marco, way before she was even with Tom to distract her from her princess life two summers ago, there is this feeling of nothing before she was filled with the love of past suitors and friends, she can't feel anything she can't feel her heart when he's on the other end of the was a lucky night, a night where once a month she was given a day off to relax, a day completely for her and on these days she feels the most like herself, she can invite Ponyhead over and maybe even Tom, she can adventure the dimensions for a day and it's everything in this hellhole of her kingdom that she loves but also fears. But this was different, Ponyhead was courting a centaur nowadays and never had time, and even Tom wasn't open either because of his treacherous demon duties, and she doesn't even remember really anyone from Earth besides him, yet here she was, waiting in front of a mirror call that she actually had left her wand on her bed instead of in her palms, and had her royal blue, puffy dress switched out for a blue nightgown fit for a princess like her, devil horns still perched on her head with dancing, glittering red hearts on her cheeks. Of course tonight was a night that he'd call, that she'd answer because she would not let a day like this be wasted and now she was fumbling words in pajamas. It's just a mirror and dimension that sit between them, but she can see he's changed so much since what happened last summer and she shivers, he's grown so much taller and there's even a strand or two of stubble on his chin, but he still looks like Marco."Star! Wow you answered I'm-gosh I'm so glad you answered, it's been so long!"She can finally feel her heart now, even hear it too because it flutters and pounds against her chest at the sound of how deep his voice has gotten and she doesn't know if that makes her happy or not that his soft, squeaky voice has turned as smooth as butter. "Good evening, sir Mar-I mean hi Marco! How are you?" She stops the formal voice and curtsey mid way, and it almost saddens her that she's forgotten to introduce herself to others casually again, that this lifestyle of regals and royals does not suit her at all yet she has to conform to it for all her life."I'm doing great! Our puppies are doing great too! They've gotten so much bigger, and mom and dad miss you a lot! So does Janna even though she won't admit it, and oh my gosh Jackie and I recently have celebrated a year-"And he keeps talking but Star's mood has already gone sour at just the mention of her, her glittering hearts have stopped dancing and have gone their dull, cherry pink-red, and her eyes have drooped even more down than before. She thought that in time that this would heal her, that her heart would drift away from her silly crush on him like the others but she knows it in her heart that it's gotten worse, it doesn't even feel like a crush anymore, but so much more than that, and it aches her. She's not listening into what he's saying but she doesn't need to hear to know it, she can see in his heartwarming brown eyes and the way his lips curl into a smile with a blush on his tanned cheeks that he's talking about Jackie, she knows the look too well, and it hurts all too much when she smiles and nods her head along. She's been faking for far to long and she regrets it, she never should have answered."Anyways how are you? When will you come visit?"She finally hears him when he finishes with the question, and there's this look of hope in his eyes and it makes her heart swell and her cheeks burn that she is breathless, she doesn't know what to say. She hasn't felt ok for a year and it hurts because even though she looks like she's changed she hasn't at the same time, and while it isn't important he hasn't even mentioned the drastic haircut or her growth in height. And maybe that's what hurts, is that he doesn't care as much as he used to, and her mouth feels sour as her growing dull eyes glare at him while she still plays a smile on her lips."I'm doing well Marco, my training has been exceeding beyond belief. I've even been compared to the greats like Celena and Ec-I've been well. However duties like mine are far more important that visitations, I'm afraid I have no time to be booked for a visitation currently, but I'm sure sometime when I am available I will."The words hiss from her lips like a snake, venom dripping from her lips and ice blue eyes shooting daggers, a smile fallen to a frown, and there is notable tension as his eyes turn confused and soft. "Star are you ok, I-" He starts but Star has forces another smile with twitching eyebrows and she's surprised she hasn't cried yet, because she's done with 'safe-kids" from Earth and she can't do with that right now at least. "I'm perfectly fine Marco, I'm actually feeling wonderfully. I must leave now however, I have far more important business to dwell on. Have a good day." And with a twitch of hand she has turned off the mirror with magic and she didn't lie with that, the wand is helpful but she is powerful now at least physically, but mentally is a different story. His eyes had looked so helpless when she had cancelled the call with a flick of her hands, but she's seen the look far too many times before, it's not the first time she's hung up on him, but somehow it still hurts, that she's purposely caused him pain this time around, but he's caused her far much more insufferable pain than he could imagine. And she walks to her bed and lays down to watch the glow and the dark stars pressed against her ceiling instead of the real ones outside her window, and she doesn't know if it was better to not have princess duties today or not. But it still stings when her eyes fall closed, even if there are no tears when she grips onto the wand that holds a family line's secrets, because she knows there won't be any visits anytime soon to Earth boys from Echo Creek, besides there hasn't been any for a year and there won't be for anytime soon. Chapter Text The fourth lie that she ever tells is when she's 17 and her hair has grown back to reach at least a little bit past her shoulders, she's grown much taller then and she's started wearing makeup now. There's a crown that adorns her hair nowadays, large golden hoops and braided back hair with frivolous, flowing royal dresses that she wears like the scars on her skin and while it presents her as beautiful she rarely feels like that much, you don't have to look hard to see insecurity masked on her face when a fake confidence is shown. However it was a Thursday night, actually technically 3 o'clock on a Fridat if they were being precise but the stars were still out as were Mewni's four moons and time is just a man on a wheel anyways. Tomorrow calls for important princess duties, yet here she was sat up perched on her bed, dressed in a shear, see through blue nightgown where all she wears is blue lace garments and thin bones, eyes glittering and awake, for today is another sleepless night where sleep is non existent. Yet it's a different night when scissors from a different dimension cut through her room, where the dimensions should be blocked since she is a magical princess in the most powerful inter-dimensional dynasty, but she knows he's the only one with scissors that can cut through her room, and she lets him in when she sees tired and pleading brown eyes look into her dull, turned ice blue today is just another sleepless night with a sleepless boy that she lets fall into her can't remember a time where she saw him before that, frowns at his warm body pressed against her because it's truly been so long. She's mad about the notable growing stubble on his chin and the muscle he's grown into, mad about the red flannel he's switched out into instead of his regular red hoodie (but really is it his regular red hoodie now?) because she's not there to see it happen when he's home. She wants to cry when his fingers find their way into hers, his tan, strong hands so different but so perfect for her slender pale ones, but it's all in vain to blush at that because it's just platonic of course, and the way his face feels flush against her ear when he whispers sends shivers down her spine. "How have you been? What have I missed?" And she's breathless when he asks, she's tongue tied because she can't think straight when his hands are in hers and his body is pressed against her side."You haven't missed anything really, nothing ever goes on here besides my preparation to be queen in less than a year."She can barely get the sentence out, almost chokes it out even though it took her a full minute to respond, regrets looking at him after it leaves her lips because he looks her in the eyes and she can tell he's tired and so is she, and it looks like he's going to say something but all he does is lay his head on her shoulder even though he's the taller one now. She needs to keep telling herself this is all platonic, because he doesn't love her like that, never has and never will, and she's been courting Tom Lucitor for a year as he dating Jackie for three , but they're both not saying things that the other one doesn't know about."You'll be a wonderful queen, I know it."He whispers into the air, head leaning on thin, pale shoulders and she finally feels both ashamed and flustered in the position they're in, her body so exposed and his arms so close, but again, it's just platonic, they're just best friends, but why does it feel like they are strangers almost in this bed? "You think so?" She stumbles on the words and she is pink on her face and all over, and the way he looks at her drives her insane, and oh gosh he's so close and she can't breathe. He reaches to her face, fingers holding a a blonde strand that sticks out like a thumb as he twirls it, eyes looking into hers and she is breathless at the way he looks at her, the way his hands feel in hers and on her hair, aside from how sinful (but also platonic) this is, she feels electric just from the touch of his skin."I know so."There is no hesitation in his voice and she genuinely smiles, and it's been so long since she's done that and fumbling tears fall from her eyes as she laughs, and she holds him so close, the night is so still but she feels like the sun at his touch. "Thank you so much for that, no ones ever believed in me like you do." She croaks out, doesn't know why she's so emotional, and he holds her so tight, and this is the most she thinks she'll ever get from him, but that doesn't matter now."Of course, you'll be a great queen, you'll be the best for your kingdom. Whoever marries you will be so incredibly lucky and perfect for you. You'll be the best that ever lived."At that she cries even more, smiles on her face as she feels his neck press to her bare shoulders, bodies so close but so far apart. And all she can do is nod and cry because even though she's so bitterly happy that she spills tears everywhere she knows that whoever marries her will never be lucky to have her, because the only person that's perfect for her does not love her. And truly that is the saddest thing as she buries her face into his shoulders, is that she'll never tell him too. Chapter Text The fifth lie she ever tells is when she's 18, it's her coronation and she is shaking hands and anxious breaths in her ice blue dress that matches her now turned dull blue eyes. The gown is gorgeous, an ice blue like she said with a bateau/boat neckline, light blue lace and white flowers adorning her chest until it puffs out at her cinched in waist, and underneath she wears the tallest snow white heels that make her even more taller so that she towers everyone at 7 feet tall. Her hair is flowing effortlessly to her back, pinned back and curled to perfection, shimmering white and blue eyeshadow on her eyelids and flowing blonde lashes, already cherry pink lips finished off just a bit with lip gloss and dusted, blushed cheeks. She is truly a sight, a turned ice cold queen so beautiful and strong that she will no doubt be a fierce ruling queen to be written in the books for her glory and she still is panicking in the hallway that leads to the doors of the coronation room, downing the purest Mewni water and wheezing into a paper doesn't even know why she's panicking, she knows she won't disappoint in a dress like this and her people love her now anyways, and even if they didn't it's not like there would be any rebellion of any sort, she was supposed to be one of the most powerful beings in all the multiverses. She's beauty and grace and there is nothing at all to panic about, yet she is close to tears and if she cries she'll ruin her makeup and then ruin everything. She is shaking and breathing fast, she doesn't feel calm at all, and it doesn't help that there's a crowd of people that she loves and fears, her subjects and the royals who wait and she can't even steadily keep her hands she hears a knock at the beginning of the hall, and she turns to see him leaning on a archway in a stunning red suit and his messy brown mops and she is breathless."Afternoon, Queen."She told herself she wouldn't cry and she won't but she's close to tears when he runs up to her, and she drops her glass of water and he takes her in his arms, and mother of Mewni she's cramping in this awful attire but he feels so soft at the touch. "Oh, Marco." She whispers, voice choking up as he runs soft hands on her back to calm her, and she runs her hands through his ruffled, brown hair that she loves. If anyone were to walk in on them, at first glance they'd be lovers, and that's what makes her let go because they are so utterly not."Hey, you ready to rule a kingdom?"He nervously laughs, and it's refreshing to know someone is nervous for her too. "Oh, heavens no." She mumbles, and it almost shocks her at how posh she's gotten, how different she's gotten in the past 4 years since everything, but there's no time to dread on that now. He takes her hand in his, squeezes it tight and with just that look she crumbles at his touch, how he looks at her like she holds the galaxies at her touch, when really he's the one who holds it in his eyes. "No, you'll do great, I know it's been a while but, I believe in you, you're going to do great." He stutters out, red cheeks and suddenly she feels 14 again, realizes how tall and filled out he's gotten and the turned stubble into a small beard on his chin but he still feels like the Marco from 4 years ago. "Really?" She whispers into the air, can almost feel the 14 year old Star in her voice and in her soul, misses that fun loving girl that used to be her 4 years ago. She hasn't felt young in so long."Of course! Go get that crown Star, you're going to do great things in that crown and with that status of 'Queen Star.'"And the tears almost fall out at that, and he switches his hands from in hers and places them on her cheeks, lets her hold his wrists in hers. Their faces are inches apart and she wishes she could drag his lips on hers, but all she does is shakily smile into his hands, and she doesn't expect anything from their position, they are just best friends who are now somewhat strangers, but she's thankful for times like these where he is hers again, where he is her best friend who will do anything for yet he kisses the top of her head and she is turned into a wildfire at his touch, and her shivers have cooled down into warmth, and she finally lets the tears out, lets them fall down her cheeks as she grins to her ears. "Hey! Don't cry, you have to be out in less than two minutes! Oh god I'm such an idiot I'm sorry for making you cry!" And now he's the one panicking, but he doesn't even know that she feels calm because of the kiss, that this is a blessing and she feels reborn at his touch."Don't worry, Marco, I'm ok, I'm ok."And she laughs into the air, grabs his shoulders as the tears fall and she whispers something under her breath as she grips the wand through her silk dress that is tied to her slender leg, and with that her makeup is waterproof. "Oh god, I should've known you'd just use magic to fix this." He laughs back, still wipes away her tears and her laughing has stopped, has turned into a small smile as she watches him with careful eyes, how soft he is with her, and she wishes with all her might that he was hers, and she feels everything for him in this moment."I love you."She whispers, but when the words leave her lips his fingers have stopped and her cheeks have turned a bright pink, her hearts glittering and dancing red. "Oh gosh, I mean I love you as a friend! Thank you for always being there for me!" She stutters, her face burning red but when she sees him smile, she doesn't know if she's thankful or not when he boyishly laughs. "I love you too, Star, you're the best friend a guy could have!" And when he holds her again, she shivers, because even though he's burning warm she feels so cold."Yeah, best friend, you too."She mumbles, and she shouldn't feel sad, she should feel happy, but she feels as cold as her dress when he lets her go. "I should go back to sit down with Jackie and the others, they're expecting you to be out in a minute or two." He grins, before taking her hands in his as he squeezes them. "Good luck, Queen." And with a smile and soft brown eyes he is gone around the corner, and she is there left standing. Aside from the coldness of her body her cheeks and hands feel warm, he always made her feel warm even when she didn't deserve it. Everything about him made her insides burn and her heart ache, he was a wildfire in her winter she always turned back to being when the horns blow and the music begins, when she hears her name announced all throughout of Mewni, she gives her best smile when the doors open to the royal throne room and lays her hands on her chest to carry herself out to her kingdom, because she is still the Queen of Mewni, still Star Butterfly of the Butterfly dynasty, she holds bigger titles than the feelings she has for she still wipes away a tear before she walks out with a whispered magic spell, because even Queen's of the strongest dynasty of all the multiverses hurt too. Chapter Text The sixth lie she ever tells is when she's 22, it's the ball of the decade, where the royals and the subjects dance together freely because what is a Mewni wedding without it's huge regal ball to celebrate? It's Star and Tom's wedding of course, and while there are thousands of people filled in this castle and kingdom floors, she is truly the most beautiful thing in the land, and not because she is the queen, but because she is the beauty of had been scurrying and welcoming guests, her veil on her head flapping in the wind behind her. The official ceremony before had been disastrous, she had never been the patient one and the ceremony took hours. Yet here she was, still stressed but somewhat uplifted, it was her wedding's ball, she should feel happy right? It's the day all little girls have dreamed of, and she's dressed beautifully, how could she not love it? She's a sight in her silk white wedding dress, it hugs her curves and has the softest lace sleeves and lace neckline, her beautiful wavy hair pinned up into a crown braid, small, blood red roses braided into her hair too as she towers everyone like her coronation with heels that make her stand 7 feet tall. She and her husband Tom look meant to be in his black fitting suit with his blood red tie. She is truly a princess, her wedding will be written in the books, how could anyone not crave or want this?So why is the one who absolutely doesn't want this at all?Because she knows this is all so wrong when she's done with welcoming her insufferable family members and he comes up to her clad in a red suit with gold and black detailing, and she can't breathe because he's right before her and oh mother of Mewni it's him, her supposed best friend, Marco Diaz."My queen."The words slip from his lips and they leave a bitter taste in the air, and he's bowing before her and she's shaking her hands frantically in front of herself because no, he shouldn't be bowing they're best friends, right? "Marco! There's no need for that it's just me! Your best friend!" She almost shakes as the words 'best friend' fall from her mouth and she shakes and taps his shoulder for him to look up to her. But she regrets it all at once, and it's hard to put up a happy facade when he looks up to her with those brown eyes, so mysterious and older than the nervous ones she knew from their younger years, and he feels like a stranger looking at her. "Thank you for having me here, Star." He says almost in a whisper, and he extends a hand to her and she knows this is what all the men do when they approach her, she shouldn't take this to seriously but this is hard when it's your best friend who you're also in love with kissing the top of your hand as he holds it."Marco, it's no big deal! You're my best friend and I'm so happy to have you here! It's my wedding day and I'm marrying the guy I love, why wouldn't I want my best friend here to see it all too?"And she can feel Tom at her side when he puts a hand on her shoulder, laughs it off as her voice and body shakes when she leans in to kiss Tom's cheek, and her eyes are watering but she swears she see's something flash in Marco's eyes and there's nothing good to it but he smiles back to her too, but it doesn't look like it's genuine. He doesn't say anything for a moment because there's nothing else really to say, he doesn't bring up the fact that she never told him about her and Tom's relationship until her indirect way of telling him with a wedding invitation, and she doesn't bring up the painful truth that she's in love with him."Thank you for coming."She finally says to close off the awkward tension in the air, lets go of Tom's clinging arms and lunges into Marco's warm ones, lets her watering eyes spill tears to blame on happiness, holds onto him and can almost imagine the teens of summer '15, can almost imagine the simplicity of it's an almost and she can't when he holds onto her more."No Star, thank you for inviting me to come."And she cries more at that when he whispers it into her blonde hair, because she doesn't feel happy at all today when she should, she just feels empty. Chapter Text The seventh lie she tells is when she's 24, the night is quiet and she is tired, her beautiful, blonde hair is pulled up into a messy bun and she wears a a flowing, blue robe, and she almost feels young again in such a calm state. Because who couldn't be calm in a night like this, especially a night where Star's only child lays in the crib before her, her daughter Luna Butterfly is a tiny thing with pale lilac skin and pink hair with tiny little horns, three big, beautiful eyes that are shaped like her fathers, the bottom two bright and blue like Star's, the third in the center red like her father's. She'd be a spitting image of her mother if it weren't for the demon features of her father's, or the fact that instead of red hearts like Star she wore little blood red, crescent moons on her cheeks. It's very fitting actually, considering that red really is her color and her name is Luna, it's all too looking of her daughter makes her heart swell, and Star now finally gets the saying her mother would tell her, "Everything changes when you become a mother and a queen." Because when she looks at her she thinks Luna is possibly the most beautiful thing she has ever seen, and while people had thought wrong of a child from a inter-mewni relationship, they still came to her little one's parties and festivals in their honor, kept their lips shut to welcome a coming princess and queen. And even when they said anything she didn't care, this child was hers and this child of hers would be magnificent, her people would never know the struggle of her life or her beautiful baby. She hadn't been happier in years, almost a decade even, for all she had felt was this numbness until her glittering little Luna had came into her night was peaceful and she was grateful, she had her daughter and she had this silent night in a silent kingdom. Nothing shouldn't have ruined on shouldn't however, for everything was good and she would've finally been happy until he came in all his glory with magic scissors and tired both seemed to always be tired lately."She's beautiful."He whispers to her, arms leaned on Luna's nursery, his arms touching her crossed ones paralleling his, their arms side by side. And her eyes were fresh with tears before he had come, (shocker right), because oh god she was a mother and this child was hers. And it was nice for a moment, his shoulders almost leaning on hers as if she was his lifeline, before she closed her eyes and realized who she was and who he was, that it's Marco Diaz and he shouldn't be here."Thank you, Marco. However, what's your reason for being here so late at night? You should be at home with Jackie, and your son, Mac."She almost spits the last words out, because she's forgotten he'd had a son too, one with brown eyes and his brown hair, but it still hurts to see the pale skin and freckles of his mother. Lets herself sigh, blue eyes tired and worn out from a loveless 8 years until her little Luna was born."I came to give you my blessings, can't a best friend come over and do that?"He laughs it bitterly, and she can almost feel his voice shake like her breaths, because there's so much left between them and there's still nothing left to say."I suppose so."She whispers back, and she's so tired physically and mentally now, so she lets herself lean on his shoulders, when he slides his hand on the railing of the crib to hold hers, lets him lean his head on top of hers because he's so much more taller than the boy he was at 14. She lets them hold on to each other because they're both broken in their own ways. They've both gotten too old and they're only 24."She's perfect Star, wouldn't you agree?"He mumbles, chokes it out almost and she's not shaking and crying again, and they both know it's not tears of joy but she still dries them with her dirtied white gloves, curses away the quick thought that Luna would've looked prettier with tan skin and two brown eyes, but she still nods her head yes like the liar she is."Yeah, she's perfect."